


A Dip in the Pool

by meverri



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Also I've been sitting on this but it's like ultimate summer fic, Fluff, Humor, I just want them to vibe, pool party!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25408399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meverri/pseuds/meverri
Summary: The Carte Blanche crew takes a much-needed vacation to some asshole's mansion. Also, Vespa spends a week torturing Peter.EDIT IDK WHY THIS POSTED TWICE BUT IM NOT DELETING EITHER BC OF THE COMMENTS SORRY ABT THAT
Relationships: Buddy Aurinko/Vespa, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Rita & Jet Sikuliaq
Comments: 12
Kudos: 64





	A Dip in the Pool

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr @[hundred-separate-lines](hundred-separate-lines.tumblr.com)
> 
> If you like this, why not leave a comment and kudos?

_Day One_

A week after they had retrieved the Curemother Prime, Buddy called them into the kitchen for a family meeting.

“Darlings,” she said, peering at the tired faces of her crew, “I think we’ve all earned a vacation. Don’t you?”

So there they were, parked outside of a beautiful but vacant home on a popular resort planet in the Outer Rim. The mansion belonged to an Ionian billionaire who would soon find that his bank account had been drained to pay for about six metric tons of ice cream. Juno had asked Rita to make sure that at least one pint of that ice cream wasn’t salmon flavored, but after catching a whiff of the shipment, he wasn’t feeling very optimistic.

“Ooh!” Rita squealed as they unloaded the RUBY-7. “Boss, they got a pool!”

“Oh, sweet,” said Juno. “I haven’t gone swimming since I was a kid.”

Nureyev wrapped himself around Juno and pressed his lips to Juno’s forehead with a loud smacking noise that left the others groaning. “Juno, dear, I was hoping we could spend some time in our room, _just the two of us_.”

Juno’s face went beet red, but Rita was undeterred. “No way, Mista Ransom! You two can have relations when the rest of us are sleepin’. I’m spending time with my best friend, and you ain’t gonna stop me!”

Now it was Nureyev’s turn to blush. Vespa smirked. Buddy hid her laughter with a cough.

“We should hurry,” said Jet. “I would also like to go for a swim. Swimming is good for the mind and body, and it has been a long time since I had the opportunity. I will meet anyone who wishes to join me in an hour.” With that, he grabbed his bags and carried them inside, leaving the rest of them to follow.

The others each picked rooms in the enormous mansion, with the majority of them choosing rooms that were as far away from Juno and Nureyev’s room as possible. Within an hour, they had all changed into bathing suits and made their way out to the backyard. There were really two pools, connected by a small strip of water. The shallower pool reached a depth of five feet, and the other reached a depth of twelve. Both sides were complete with water slides, fountains, and pool toys, and the deeper end had three diving boards of varying heights. It was surrounded by lawn chairs and umbrellas, and when Juno dipped his hand into the water, he found that it was the ideal temperature - not too hot, not too cold. It was, in short, a swimmer’s dream.

It was late afternoon, and the sun was hot but not at its full height. Nureyev took one look at the water and stretched out on one of the lawn chairs, wearing only a tiny purple speedo and a pair of gigantic sunglasses. 

“Aww, c’mon, Ransom,” said Juno. “Aren’t you going to come swimming with us?”

“Absolutely not, darling,” said Nureyev. “I’m going to tan. Beauty takes effort, after all.”

“Pompous ass,” Vespa muttered.

Juno shrugged. “Suit yourself,” he said, right before taking a running leap into the pool. The resulting splash left Nureyev soaked and sputtering. Rita’s cannonball follow-up left him even more soaked. He dragged his chair over to the other side of the pool.

Jet began to swim back and forth across the deeper pool in a perfect front crawl. Buddy stretched out on a chair beside Nureyev, her wide-brimmed hat keeping her face shielded from the afternoon sun. Vespa spent twenty minutes applying sunscreen to herself and Buddy, muttering about skin cancer, while Juno and Rita competed to see who could hold their breath the longest. After Juno nearly passed out, Vespa yelled at him to quit it, and Juno looked over in her direction.

Nureyev had fallen asleep on his stomach in the lawn chair. Vespa was painting something on his back with sunscreen, cackling while she did so. Nureyev didn’t stir. Juno took two deep breaths and joined Rita under the water.

_Day Two_

Nureyev pulled off his cover-up with a flourish. Behind him, Juno burst out laughing.

“What?” Nureyev asked, shooting Juno a suspicious look.

“Nothing,” Juno gasped. “Sorry, just thought of something Rita said.”

Nureyev turned around again, revealing the arrow that pointed to his ass. The text above it, pale against the strawberry-red of Nureyev’s sunburn, read ‘PANCAKE.’

For the second time in two days, Juno cannon-balled into the shallow pool, and for the second time in two days, Nureyev had to move his chair to avoid further water damage. His speedo was neon pink this time, with the word ‘JUICY’ across the ass. Vespa smacked him in the shoulder where his sunburn was worst and, with a smile, complimented his taste in bathing suits.

This time, Rita sat by the steps to the shallow end squeezing water from between her palms at unsuspecting passers-by. As the sun rose higher, Buddy stepped delicately into the water and asked Rita to teach her how to do that, darling. The two of them then spent the next several hours inventing a game where they swam up behind Juno or Vespa, waited for them to turn, and squirted them in the face with water before swimming away. When Vespa finally tired of their nonsense, she lifted Buddy over her head and slammed her down into the water, which led to a ten-minute chase around the pool where each of them tried to grab the other and fling them towards the deep end while Juno, Jet, and Rita watched.

“Lesbians,” said Juno, shaking his head and sighing.

Rita and Jet nodded solemnly. “Lesbians,” they agreed. Then Rita taught Jet and Juno how to squirt water from between their palms. When they had all tired of that, they went back inside for ice cream. Juno couldn’t help but notice the words ‘JUNO’S BITCH’ beginning to appear on Nureyev’s stomach.

_Day Three_

“Honey, it’s like a hundred degrees,” Juno yelled. “Just get in the damn water.”

“What about my hair?” Nureyev moaned.

“If you fall asleep in your chair again, Vespa’s just gonna write more shit on you in sunscreen.”

“No, I won’t,” Vespa yelled. 

“Promise?” Nureyev asked.

“Promise,” she said. Juno couldn’t help but notice that her fingers were crossed behind her back.

“Babe, come on,” said Juno. “I wanna carry you around.”

Nureyev blushed against that, though it was difficult to tell that he was blushing against his bright-red sunburn. “Oh, all right,” he said. “If you insist.”

His speedo was bright green today, the exact same color as the RUBY-7’s. It also perfectly matched Jet’s speedo. Juno didn’t comment on that fact.

He stepped into the water like a celebrity stepping down from a stage after receiving an award. He refused to move any deeper than the three-foot-deep zone at the shallow end of the shallower pool, where he lounged against the pool’s edge and watched as Juno and Vespa engaged in an epic sword fight, or, more accurately, spent the better part of an hour beating each other with pool noodles. When Vespa finally gave in to base urges and started using the noodle to trumpet water directly into Juno’s face, Nureyev knew it was all over. He climbed back out of the pool and sat beside Buddy.

“They’re ridiculous,” he said fondly.

“Look at your arm,” said Buddy. Nureyev looked down. There, beginning to show against a third layer of sunburn, was the clear image of a penis.

“I didn’t even fall asleep,” Nureyev groaned.

Buddy hummed and turned back to her magazine.

A few hours later, when Juno and Rita were doing handstands in the shallow end, Nureyev stood and went back to the house. He returned with a blowup pool donut tucked under his arm. Juno watched as he placed it in the shallow end and gingerly set himself on top of it, then used the side of the pool to push himself to the shallow end. When he was settled, Juno went back to doing handstands, which were significantly more challenging for him than for Rita, whose toes barely peeked out of the shallow water.

A few minutes later, he heard a yelp.

Nureyev was clinging to the sides of the donut, which looked significantly flatter than it had when he had climbed into it. He was flailing his arms in desperate windmills, trying and failing to propel himself back to the edge of the pool.

“Are you okay?” Juno yelled.

“Juno, my donut’s sinking,” he moaned. “Oh, Juno, help me.”

Juno swam over to Nureyev’s side just in time for him to slip further into the donut’s hole. He kicked uselessly. Juno burst out laughing.

“Juno, I don’t know what to do,” he moaned. 

“I’m sorry,” Juno said through laughter and tears. “I don’t know how to help you.”

Nureyev moaned again and wiggled, trying to dislodge himself from the donut’s hole with little success.

“You need to stand up,” Juno said breathlessly.

“No, there’s— it’s too deep,” he said. The donut wobbled, and Nureyev let out a noise that sounded something like “ _whoa, neh, eugh,_ ” but was largely unintelligible. He tried to paddle again, but only succeeded in turning the donut in a small circle.

“Okay, okay, okay,” said Juno.

“It’s too deep here,” Nureyev moaned, and the donut wobbled again. “ _AUGH!_ ”

Juno tried to speak, but all he could manage was that same breathless laughter. Nureyev glared at him before letting out another little shout.

“Oh, Juno, I don’t know what to do,” he said. “Oh, no…”

“You need to go to land,” Juno gasped. “You need to go to the side of the pool. Holy shit, Ransom.”

“I _can’t_ ,” said Nureyev. “Oh my god. Oh my god.”

Juno grabbed hold of the donut and began to pull it to the side of the pool. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“Juno,” said Nureyev, “my savior. Oh, my goddess, thank you for saving my life.”

“I’m going to _pee in this pool_ if you don’t stop talking right now,” Juno gasped.

They reached the side of the pool, where Vespa and Buddy were sitting. They were both doubled over with laughter. Juno was pretty sure he hadn’t ever seen Buddy laugh that hard. Juno dislodged Nureyev from the donut and bridal-carried him out of the water. Nureyev planted a big kiss on his cheek, which sort of made the whole ordeal worth it.

“My hero,” he said.

“I will drop you in the goddamn water,” said Juno. “Do not test me.”

Nureyev just pressed his face into Juno’s neck without another word.

_Day Four_

“Marco!” Rita shouted. She bounced on tiptoes in the shallowest part of the pool to keep her head above the water.

“Polo,” said Jet, standing about five feet in front of her.

Rita took a step forward. “Marco!” she yelled.

“Polo,” said Jet, without moving.

Juno had taken a break from swimming to eat lunch. He came back to find Vespa sitting in the water, her eyes and nose resting just above the surface, keeping a close eye on Nureyev, who was napping in one of the pool chairs. Every couple of seconds, she raised her water gun and hit Nureyev with a stream of water directly between the eyes. He would wake up, startled, and look around before immediately dropping back to sleep. Every time, Vespa would cackle.

“Marco!” Rita yelled.

“Polo,” Jet replied, still standing in the same spot. Rita took a step forward and her face collided with his stomach.

“I don’t think the big guy understands the point of this game,” Juno said.

Another stream of water hit Nureyev in the forehead. He sat up with a shout, searching for his attacker. When he saw Juno, his face relaxed into a dopey smile.

“Go back to sleep, babe,” said Juno. 

Rita was now trying to explain Marco, Polo to Jet, but her explanation was lost between the summaries of approximately six popular streams. Jet looked perplexed. 

“They’ve played ten times,” said Buddy. “If I hear the word ‘Marco’ again, I may have to revert to my old ways.”

Juno frowned. “Old ways?”

“Oh, you know,” said Buddy with a sigh. “Murder, and such.”

“Right,” said Juno. He scooted subtly toward Nureyev.

Another stream of water hit Nureyev directly between the eyes. Juno put one hand on his shoulder as he awoke with a shout.

“It’s okay, hon,” he said. 

“Juno,” said Nureyev.

“Marco!” yelled Rita.

“Food allergy be damned,” said Buddy. “I’m getting a drink."

_Day Five_

“You have to get in,” said Juno.

Nureyev’s long legs dangled in the water. He had given in to the sun’s power and worn a swim shirt that he had borrowed from Rita. It barely covered his chest, and it was patterned with hyper-realistic cats with eyes that followed you wherever you went. 

“I don’t swim, dear,” he told Juno.

“I don’t need you to swim,” said Juno. “We’re gonna play chicken, and I need you to help me kick Vespa’s ass.”

“I don’t understand why you two insist on playing such childish games,” Nureyev sighed.

“It’s not a game. It’s a war, and I’m going to win.”

Nureyev smiled. “Of course you will, love.”

Juno blushed at that, but he still pouted, pressing himself between Nureyev’s legs. “Please?” he asked. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Oh?” asked Nureyev, his voice low.

Juno seemed to perk up at that. “Yeah,” he said, coming even closer and wrapping his hands around Nureyev’s calves. “Tonight, if you want.”

“Really?”

Juno pressed a kiss to Nureyev’s jaw. “Really.”

Then, while Nureyev was still mulling it over, Juno pulled him into the water. He fell with a graceless yelp into Juno’s ready arms and clutched his shoulders like a cat.

“Juno, I can’t _swim_!” he shouted.

Juno laughed. “Ransom, it’s four feet deep,” he said. “Even I can stand here. The deepest it gets is five feet. Your shoulders won’t even get wet.”

Nureyev’s swim shirt swirled in the water, bending the cats into horrible and unknowable shapes. He clawed his way higher on Juno’s shoulders. Juno held him easily, his arms cool and strong around Nureyev’s waist.

“You don’t even have to get in the water,” said Juno. “You’ll be on my shoulders. As long as you don’t get knocked down, you’ll be fine, so, you know, don’t lose.”

Nureyev scowled, so Juno leaned closer to him. “Look, Nureyev,” he whispered, “if you don’t want to, I won’t make you. I wanna kick Vespa’s ass, but not if it means you have to be scared or uncomfortable. If it’s no, it’s no.”

Nureyev wrapped his arms around Juno a little more tightly. “No, it’s all right,” he sighed. “I rather like the idea of being your knight in shining armor. Or, terrifying swim shirt, as it were.”

Juno hoisted Nureyev carefully onto his shoulders. Behind him, Vespa had raised Buddy onto her shoulders, though Buddy looked much more comfortable and secure than Nureyev. Rita had lifted Jet onto her shoulders, but Jet quickly pointed out that they wouldn’t be able to move much further than the shallowest part of the pool, and so they switched, with Rita perched proudly on top of Jjet and dual-wielding pool noodles.

“May the best thief win,” Buddy said with a smirk.

The ensuing duel was not one that could be forgotten lightly. They fought valiantly, each vying for an honorable victory. In the end, with Juno and Vespa spitting pool water at each other while Buddy and Nureyev tried to shove each other into the water (and Rita and Jet ate ice cream at the side of the pool, having grown bored once it proved impossible to take either of them down), the sun set on a Buddy and Vespa victory; Vespa had managed to hook an ankle around Juno’s leg and gotten him off-balance, sending Nureyev toppling into the water. Nureyev came up sputtering while Vespa howled with laughter. Then, she and Juno had an hour-long argument about whether that had been cheating. Buddy and Nureyev retreated to their lawn chairs.

After dinner, they sat outside and enjoyed their last night of vacation. Juno was excited to get back on-board the _Carte Blanche_ and return to a life of crime among the stars, but for now, with Nureyev tucked under his arm, he was happy just to watch the stars as they crept across the sky without him.

“I’m really glad we did this,” said Juno. “And I’m really, really glad to be working with you.”

“Don’t get sappy, Steel,” Vespa grumbled, but her voice was soft. Her head rested in Buddy’s lap while Buddy twisted her hair into tiny braids.

“I’m glad we’re here, too,” said Rita. “Just one big happy family.”

“I agree,” said Jet.

Juno rested his cheek against Nureyev’s forehead and stared up at the stars once more. They danced lazily across the sky, twinkling as they went. In the deepest parts of his heart, Juno felt utterly at peace. Looking around at his family, he knew they did, too.

**Author's Note:**

> jet's only bathing suit is a bright green speedo and he wears it all the time but it wasn't mentioned bc it wasn't relevant to juno's journey
> 
> nureyev falling out of donut inspired by [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3WeXGmqYsE)


End file.
